This morning I awoke from a most pleasant dream. It had all seemed so real. I was with my husband who passed away last summer. I had such pure, sweet emotions towards him. We had a lovely time together. What we were doing or where we were did not matter and it is all a fog, but only the good feelings were going on between us. I am afraid that for the last couple of years together his mental illness and anger and becoming old(er) ruined things to such a degree that I found it necessary to take him at his word when he told me to leave and I finally packed up and left. He had threatened to leave me prior to that, and he did go on an extended trip to England to search for his birth mother (as he was given up to an orphanage as an infant). He told me that as long as he was young and healthy and busy doing things he enjoyed and earning degrees, running a business, married to his first wife, and helping to raise their children, he was happy. It was only later when his mental illness (manic depression or bipolar disorder) became progressively worse and his sense of purpose in life was greatly lessened by his children growing up and leaving home and his first wife, becoming ill with multiple sclerosis and becoming bad tempered that he felt his downhill progression. I don't want to write a book here about why we got married, but there were many good reasons and we had many happy times together.
Back to my dream. It was so lovely to have those happy feelings back again, if only while sleeping. I think dreams play a part in our healing and grieving process. I have not experienced deep sadness over Michael's death, because the best of his life was over and he was aging and becoming physically ill as well as mentally ill. Life had not been pleasant for him for many years and he had courageously tried to make the best of his life and do things for others, despite his own pain. I will always admire his great courage and generosity of spirit. The hard work he did on behalf of others. His crankiness fades in my memory in remembrance of all the good he accomplished.
I only hope that my loved ones will remember me the same way when I leave this world.

My mother is old now, and she is starting to show it. Today, she wrote a note to a store informing them that she was permitting me to use her credit card. She had done this on one other occasion not long ago. She is handicapped with arthritis and cannot get out to shop very easily. The cashier had to call her manager to come to approve it. Then the manager had to phone my mother to ask her if she had, indeed, permitted me to use her card and it was really her who had written the note of authorization. Mom confirmed this and they manager allowed the transaction to go through. The item purchased was under $10 so it seemed a lot of hassle for such a small item, but it is a matter of store policy, which I totally understand and respect.
The solution to this problem would be quite simple. All my mother would have to do is order an additional card for me as a family member. I don't know if she will bother to do this. Her attitude is "it's too much bother..." We have been having some conflict over these types of issues lately. Old ways die hard, and mom doesn't like the amount of change that has taken place in our society these past 10 years or so, since the computerization of many functions has taken over the world. My view on this is that computers have opened up a lot of new opportunities for people such as me who prefer to work from home. I can pay my bills, check my bank balance, view my bank transactions for the past several months at the click of a mouse. I find this marvelously freeing. If I am falling asleep and suddenly realize that I forgot to pay a bill or that I need to make sure my bank balance is adequate for a preauthorized payment that is due to come out the following day, I can get out of bed, turn on my computer, log onto my bank account and transfer funds from one bank account to another, and pay a bill immediately. I can even transfer funds from one bank to another using e-mail money transfers. I have long awaited this capability and was thrilled when e-mail money transfers became possible. Now I send money to the grandchildren for their birthdays and Christmas with no worries about having to mail cheques etc.
I have managed to convince mom to sign on to banking online, and that worked with my help for several months, but somehow the password got mixed up and despite the bank staff supposedly fixing that problem, it persists, so mom is still balancing her checkbook the old fashioned way. I abandaned that method many years ago. I never could keep my bank book 100% accurate. I always managed to forget to enter one or two cheques or withdrawals per month and threw my bookkeeping off. Now I use Microsoft Money and online banking.

I received a phone call yesterday from the local Regal lady (Regal Greetings & Gifts) telling me that she is unable to fill my Birthday card order because Regal has gone into receivership. I was quite surprised and disappointed. I have always like their merchandize and their cards were high quality and low priced. Perhaps the receiving company will pick up where Regal left off. Only time will tell.....The company reached their 75th year. It was a Canadian company.

Today was a good day for me. My prize arrived safely this morning and another book I had ordered from the US arrived safely this afternoon. Not all went well, however, as my new expensive eyeglasses lens fell out of the frame! I can't believe it. One of the reasons I ordered this set of glasses was to replace a set that was 10 years old and had the lenses falling out! So off I go to the opticians tomorrow morning to have that fixed (or perhaps replaced is more like it).
I think this is all I am going to post right now as it is invoice night. TTYL.

Yesterday I was surprised by a phone call from CBC Radio informing me that I had won a prize! I don't win prizes very often and it was very pleasant news, as I don't have much money flowing in these days. My youngest son plans to marry his fiancee this fall, so I am going to give them the lovely Reader's Digest Gardening book, which is valued at $50. I didn't get much work yesterday or today. So, I have been fooling around on the internet most days. I purchased some software a few months ago that enables a person to record old records and tapes onto the computer in digital format. I have been experimenting with it.

It is so difficult not to spend money every day one sets foot in a store. This evening I went to Walmart to buy milk and look at music CDs. I found a package of 3 CDs in a set for $10. I like only one out of three of the CDs, but for $10 I can't complain. I guess I will end up trying to sell the others at a garage sale or something. The music is too obscure for my taste. The one I like is actually Mozart - Eine Kleine Nactmusik. Most people recognize the melody, even if they don't consider themselves to be lovers of classical music.

While I am typing this I am listening to Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring from CBC Thunder Bay. It is marvelous that a person can sit in a small town on Vancouver Island and chose to listen to CBC Thunder Bay, Ontario rather than CBC Vancouver or Victoria. This is one of the wonders of computer technology.

I have a full day's work for tomorrow, so I best get to bed at a decent hour. Nice to be able to know that too, since I can check the night before from my computer (over the internet) the line up of work for tomorrow.

Signing off for tonight.

I thought this photo was going to be at the top left-hand corner of this page, but it appears that it is not.

Blooger.com is going to be down tomorrow for a while, in order for the site to be "renovated." It will be interesting to see the improvements that will be made. These photos were taken by me of the Comox Harbour on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada.

I hope you enjoy them.

I was going to go to bed early tonight, but then I started surfing the net...
As usual, it is getting late, but after reading a blog of someone who is also a medical transcriptionist, I decided to put a post up tonight. It's funny how often thoughts come to me when I am supposed to be typing a medical report. The job becomes quite routine over time, especially if it is the same doctor and same speciality day after day...
Then my creative mind goes to work, and I wonder why I didn't become a professional writer. Well, the reason is that no one I know is a professional writer. Well, there is one woman in town who I know that is a writer now that she can afford to be one. She advised me not to give up my day job, but to write in between my work tasks. This is partly why I have started blogging. It is a good way to share my thoughts and to keep my hand in writing (I have to write to feel alive.) My fibromyalgia makes writing with pen and paper much more difficult for me than it once was.
The computer keyboard is falling behind my fingers tonight, and I am not sure what is causing this problem, so I am going to shut down for now. Hope to be back soon to resume this post or start a new one. Nite for now.