A false mission

It seems that some people's mission in life is to "set the other guy straight." Some even do this in the name of Christianity, which is totally missing the point. My sister's landlord is harasssing her and has her intimidated into "repaying" some gravel that he had previously told her to take from a pile he had dumped on a vacant lot in the trailer park where she lives. Since she suffers severe back pain and has arthritis, she had her muscular 35-year-old son-in-law fill the wheelbarrow and take the gravel for her, and an elderly neighbour felt "frightened" by him doing this. (I told my sister this elderly man is likely going paranoid in his old age, as is not unusual). Anyway her landlord gave her a note saying he was charging her $150 for the gravel she "stole" from him. Now my sister is a widow living on a pension and $150 to her is a lot of money. I told her to quote the scriptures from the Bible, "This is true religion to visit the widows and orphans "in their distress" and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." I believe the words "in their distress" are very true. My sister is in both categories having been an orphan (at least as far has her fathers go) since the age of 16. She never knew her own dad as he died when she was just 11 months old. Her adoptive dad was good to her, but he was killed when she was 16 - too soon to lose one's father. A teenage girl especially needs a father to guide her life and our adoptive dad would have done that, he was a good parent. Anyway, I digress, but I can't get over how some people think that it is their Christian "duty" to preach to others and not their duty to help them, especially the widows and orphans. (My sister's husband passed away just a few months ago).

A quote of the Late British Actor Jeremy Brett that I like

"Don't be too brave. Bravery is a fine thing on some occasions, but sometimes it can be quite a dangerous thing. The stiff upper lip is not always the best."

I went for a swim in the Aquatic Centre up by the college Thursday night. I still have a punch card I bought about 18 months ago and if I top it up with $1.65 I can use it and get a slug for a locker.
It was lovely, because I literally had the entire pool to myself! It is really nice, because it isn't heavily chlorinated. They use a different material and less chlorine and the water was nice and cool and clean. Did you know they use solar heating? Also there are windows on the roof so the sunlight comes in (I like that open feeling).
I went at about 6:30 p.m. and stayed until 7:30. Just as I was leaving the pool I noticed a huge lineup for tickets (you can see that area from the pool).
When I was leaving a huge bus full of teenagers pulled up (as if from a camp or something). I was so glad I was finished my swim. I really don't enjoy a crowded pool.

Nature versus Nurture

When I first heard of the debate "Nature versus Nuture", probably while studying psychology at SFU in 1967-68, I tended to side with the "nature" camp. My rationale was that if a person did not possess the innate qualities, talents, and abilities within him or herself, no amount of nuture could enable them to achieve a particular goal. I also believed at that time that if a person truly wanted to achieve a goal, all that was necessary was determination. I was young and naïve then - 18 years old, and since I was brought up in a middle class home and my adoptive father had the means to provide me with all my basic needs, including his love and attention and encouragement, and my mother was always there for me as well, it did not occur to me the importance of this financial and emotional security. It wasn't until I entered my 30s and had been married to a working class boy for 10 years that I learned how the "others" lived. I also had acquaintance with some fairly wealthy people, as before he was killed, my natural father had a home built for us in the British Properties, West Vancouver. Mom and my adoptive dad maintained the friendships they had made with the residents of the British Properties all through my growing up years. In fact, several of these people attended my wedding.

Throughout my adult life, I have learned that if a child is born into a working class family in a rural town, his or her chances of obtaining a university degree were greatly reduced in comparison to me. For one thing, few of the child’s cohorts would aspire to obtaining a university education. They would not be as aware of the various careers that a university education could open up, apart from the usual doctor, lawyer, teacher, dentist etc. There are many more careers that take place in a city environment and city children are exposed to people who have these careers as they are their neighbours. Most rural children would know about farmers, fishermen, loggers, perhaps carpenters, and the rare electrician or plumber. They might know one lawyer or notary public and a few pastors of churches. By far most of their acquaintances would be blue collar workers and proud of it. Many working class parents feel threatened if their children have aspirations that are too high for fear that their children would grow away from them and move to a larger city if they had the power to do so, through education. It is the exceptional parent that would truly be able to encourage his or her child to pursue an education and career that would move them up to the middle or upper class.

Another factor that cannot be underestimated is the power of peer pressure. If a teenager aspires to greater things than his or her peers do, he or she risks rejection of many who are jealous or threatened by these goals. It takes a person with a lot of self-esteem and assurance to pursue a university education, in spite of the separation from his friends that this may involve. There is also the aspect of housing in a larger town, which would be an added expense for the parents, let alone the cost of university education. Only working class parents who were in an occupation that brought extra income would be able to pay for the child’s education and board. In many cases the student would be required to work a part-time job as well as attend school and study.

So you get the idea of what I am saying here. I no longer put much stalk in nature over nuture. In fact, I think it is actually more the opposite that is true. Obtaining a university education doesn’t necessarily require a lot of brains. It takes discipline, determination, money, and hard work. Many university graduates (at least at the bachelor level) are not particularly brilliant students. They are people who figure out how to study for exams and how to write exams. Many only learn the bare necessity of what is required of them and quickly forget much of what they learn, especially for fill in the blank, multiple choice, and true and false questions, which require specific skills. They do not necessarily require creative thinking. Essays and essay-type questions require a bit more thought in my opinion. If one knows nothing at all on a topic in an essay question they will fall flat – with the other types (except fill-in-the-blanks) a person stands a one in four or five chance of accidentally getting the right answer. This is why I have always preferred essay questions, as I felt that they were more fair. Since I was a good student and enjoyed most of my courses and enjoyed studying and doing well on exams, I preferred essay questions where I could “strut my stuff” on paper.

As usual with my blogs it is getting late and I am getting tired (late for me at least) so I will be lazy and just say goodnight and sign off. (Not at all a proper ending for an essay, but this is my leisure activity).

Is it just my kids or are many of today's young people stressed and sounding a bit discouraged? Is it because I am their mom that I hear about their frustrations with lack of money and overwork etc?

Thinking back over my own early adult years, I guess I was stressed and feeling insecure too, but for us, the one consolation was that we had enough money, at least to get us through the 1970s. When the 1980s arrived there was an economic recession that affected many in British Columbia. We were among them and I remember having to tighten up the financial belt. Also the boys were growing rapidly – costing more to clothe and feed. It was about that time, that they began to work part-time and over the summer months. They wanted the “in” styles of clothing and we couldn’t afford to buy them so they have to pay for their own “extras” such as Walkman cassette players, walkie talkies etc. It was during the late 80s that I tried to earn extra money also. I was asked to teach piano lessons and had nine students that came either after school or on Saturdays for lessons. I didn’t earn much money doing this, but it did give me a bit of my own cash.

In the early 1990s I returned to college to upgrade my skills. The big challenge was to become “computer literate.” In 1993 I went back to work, but was only to obtain a low-paying part-time position. In 1994 I found a second part-time job and tried to juggle two jobs. I found this too stressful so in 1995 I was back to working one part-time job again. In the fall of 1996 I returned to complete an Associate of Arts Degree and take additional computer and office management courses. I obtained the degree in April 1999 and had completed additional office courses. In the summer of 1999 I was working full-time again, but this time it was from my own home using my home computer. I was back doing the same thing I trained to do in 1991-1993 – medical transcription. I worked very hard, because during my hiatus I had forgotten how to do this job and it felt like starting from scratch again. I had to purchase a lot of reference books and additional expensive software on credit. Soon afterward, it became necessary to lease-to-own a more powerful computer, as my computer was crashing regularly costing me shop fees and time off work while it was in the shop.

I spent the following five years building up a reference library. This year is the first year that I have decided “enough is enough” with spending on equipment. I will have to make do with what I have, as I am looking towards semi-retirement within the next 3-1/2 years. Oh my how the time flies.

Back to my kids. It is so hard to watch them struggle, but I guess this has been an age-old experience among parents. No matter what our children’s financial circumstances are, life will bring its challenges to them. My conclusion is that, although money can’t buy happiness, it does make the financial side of life one less thing to worry about on top of all the other of life’s challenges. If I had only known then, what I know now……..”